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Pastor AI

/ pastorpete51 / 19 Comments

But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: 2 Timothy 3:1 NKJV

Having trouble with your pastor?  Tired of paying their inflated salary, and pet projects, or even worrying if they will run off with the church secretary? Worry no more: Pastor AI is here! You will also be glad to know that Pastor AI comes in multiple skin tones and speaks not only English and Spanish, but also more than one hundred other languages. For just $89,000 down and $69.99 a month, your new pastor also comes with a ten-year warrantee, and free online tech support, and if you act now, they can be in your pulpit in just 10-14 business days. We feel so sure that Pastor AI will charm your congregation with his or her riveting Bible stories and thousands of jokes, that we offer a free six-month unconditional guarantee. If at any time you are not completely satisfied, you can simply return your pastor, and we will either replace them with our latest model or reimburse your account in full.

Just imagine how great it will be. No more friction with the elders, no vacation time needed and instead of a housing allowance, Pastor AI will store neatly in any broom closet between worship services. For more traditional churches, you will want to change his jacket and tie occasionally, or for the more contemporary congregations Pastor AI comes with a variety of tattoos, earrings, and hairstyles. You will also be glad to know that your pastor will always be at the back door shaking everyone’s hand, gently patting the children on their heads and being sure to never ever offend anyone. But if you want Pastor AI to be in your church before Christmas you will need to act today, because supplies are limited. So, drop whatever you are doing and go to our website http://www.afakewebsite.com, or call us. We have operators standing by 24 hrs a day!

Disclaimer: The above is not really available, that is not a real website or phone number, and our offer will only work when taken with several large grains of salt!

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What is on Top of Your Church?

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And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me. John 12:32 KJV

Have you ever wondered why most churches have a cross at the top of their steeples, or why hundreds of millions of Christians wear crosses around their necks? It certainly isn’t stated anywhere in the Bible that we are supposed to do these things – and yet we do. In fact, when we think about the events of the gospel it might seem more appropriate to put an empty tomb on the roof showing the victory of Jesus over death or a throne and declaring that He is King of the universe. And yet, there is something about the cross that attracts us to Jesus. But maybe we shouldn’t be surprised. Jesus told us that when He was lifted up that He would draw people to himself. Jesus healed lepers, multiplied bread, and walked on water but the lepers went home, the bread eaters stopped following, and even Peter who had walked on water with Him, denied knowing Him. But on the cross things began to happen that no could have imagined. At the cross, a thief believed and was promised paradise, and a Roman soldier cried out that Jesus was the Son of God. After Christ died, the once fearful Nicodemus came boldly requesting to give Jesus a proper burial. In fact, even Jesus’s enemies remembered His claim of resurrection and asked for the tomb to be guarded and sealed. Repentance and faith, remembering His words and watching the tomb all began at the cross. The cross calls for us to take a stand and helps us see and believe that Jesus is God’s Son. So, keep putting the cross where everyone can see, because Jesus has promised that when He is lifted up, that He will draw all men to Him!

Jacob’s Journey Home

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Then the Lord said to Jacob, “Return to the land of your fathers and to your kindred, and I will be with you.” Genesis 31:3 ESV

After cheating his brother and deceiving his father, Jacob had run away and spent twenty years living in Padan-Aram. Then in today’s verse, God appears to Jacob in a dream and tells him that it is time to go home. On the way, Jacob wrestled with an angel, had his name changed, and then came face to face with the brother he had cheated. But Jacob was shocked to discover that instead of revenge, Esau was ready to be reconciled with him. But Jacob still didn’t know where he belonged. He settled down for a little while and even bought some land and built an altar just outside of Canaan, but God’s plan still seemed uncertain. Now, we may have never wrestled an angel or been through the same misadventures as Jacob, but we all have had our challenges, failures, and postponed dreams. Maybe, like Jacob, we have run from our problems, and God is still wrestling with us as He works to change our hearts. Though that that wrestling leaves most of us with a permanent limp, God also leaves us with a blessing. Are you a returned prodigal still unsure of where you belong? Don’t be discouraged, God isn’t done with you yet! A few chapters later, God appeared to Jacob a second time and gave him a specific destination: a place called Bethel, which translated means the house of God. Just as Jesus told us, He has gone to prepare a place for us in Heaven, God also has a place for us here on earth. He calls each of us to our Bethel, where we can worship and serve in peace, because our hearts have come home to Him!

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