Hey! Break it Up!

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8 ESV

“Dad! Chris is hitting me!” my youngest shouted through the door. I rushed in to find our sons once again locked in combat over their Lego construction projects.

“My brother’s a jerk!”  Our seven year old retorted as he stood with arms crossed. “He knocked over what I was building with and so I hit him!”

“Okay you guys, go sit on your beds!” I snapped. This was the umpteenth tussle between them just in the last week and I searched my mind for a way out of the vicious cycle. “Now you’re going to sit there until you can tell me ten things good about your brother.” I sternly told them. Our youngest sat deep in thought, then burst out in frustration, “But there’s nothing good about my brother!”

Do you ever feel like that about somebody in your life? Often healing in a relationship won’t begin until we ask God to help us see something good in the other person.   On the cross, Jesus couldn’t see anything and yet He said, “Father forgive them. They don’t know what they are doing.”  He was thinking of His love for us when He chose to give His life. Jesus remembered our weaknesses and not our sins. Jesus believed we were worth dying for. When we see something good in someone else He will help us to see something excellent and worthy of praise in our brother.

Rebuilding a Marriage

It often comes as a surprise to us that the enemy’s battle in our lives is not about our worship our prayer time or Bible reading; it is in our marriage (Or for singles their immediate family). The battle we fight is not only on the front lines, it is often behind the scenes. There was a wrestling match fought long ago by a man named Jacob that gives a perfect picture of one family’s struggles and ultimate victory.

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And Jacob was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day. Genesis 32:24

Previous to this night, Jacob had been a smashing success at everything he wanted to do. He had received His father’s blessing and had tricked his older brother into giving him the inheritance that belonged to the firstborn son. He had married the beautiful woman of his dreams (Though he was tricked into marrying her sister also). He had many sons, and daughters as well as servants and vast flocks of sheep and cattle. But despite his accomplishments Jacob was left alone in the battle of his life.

But before you start to feel sorry for Jacob you need to know that he was alone by choice. When facing the consequences of his earlier deceitfulness with his brother Esau Jacob’s first instinct was for self-preservation. He chose to give away all the blessings he had received. First he sent ahead all the many possessions and servants as gifts to Esau. Then he sent his wives and sons ahead of him with a message that they would be servants for Esau. Not even his beloved Rachel was spared in Jacob’s master plan. But a funny thing happened to him on the way his goal. God said, “Enough!” Jacob wasn’t going to go one more step till the selfishness that had governed his every choice was dealt with. The word tells us that after Jacob had wrestled all night that the angel touched him and weakened him. God saw to it that there would be no more self-important, self-reliant adventures in Jacob’s future.  When the sun rose a different Jacob went to humbly meet his brother and be reunited with his family.

The sun rose upon him as he passed Penuel, limping because of his hip.                    Genesis 32:31 ESV

Maybe in our efforts to rebuild our marriage or family relationships we have focused too much on the mechanics of christian disciplines and too little on reliance on God and on each other. So here are a few things to think about.

A) Be encouraged: Even though we feel alone: in reality God is still with us and though we cannot continue as we are, he will stay with us and struggle with us all through the night.

B) Go slowly: A little more limping with our family and a lot less racing ahead alone is a good thing.

 But Jacob said to him, “My lord knows that the children are frail, and that the nursing flocks and herds are a care to me. If they are driven hard for one day, all the flocks will die.  Genesis 33:13

C) Don’t give up: Though we have done a lot of harm by our selfish stubbornness in the past that doesn’t mean we should be push overs. When God was done struggling with Jacob he changed his name,

Then he said, “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed.” Genesis 32:28

If we allow Him: that same God who has struggled against us will now struggle with us and with his help, we can deal with whatever lies ahead.

God’s Construction Project

Nearly everybody (Including me) is interested in discovering their ministry. We buy books, attend training sessions and try our hand at lots of various opportunities. There is nothing wrong and a lot right with the desire to serve. God is excited to get going with a construction project called reconciliation. He wants us reconciled and He is more than eager to use us to participate in reconciliation in the lives of others. But if we begin by focusing on what we want, what interests us and where we like to serve we are doomed to destruction not construction!

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Notice this verse begins with God. Until everything belongs to Him in our attitudes, in our words and in our actions not much is really going on even if our life is filled with activities. If we go galloping off before surrendering in these areas God has a way of pulling back on our reins and bringing us to a screeching halt. Here is what Jesus says,

…  apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5

He doesn’t say “without me you can’t do much.” or “Without me you won’t reach your full potential” It’s like pregnancy. You either are or you are not. Just as the Japanese signed a document of unconditional surrender at the end of WW2, so we must totally yield ourselves to Christ. The good news about reconciliation begins the moment the ink is dry on our commitment of faith. All that we once possessed now belongs to God but all that He possesses belongs to us. God moves in and immediately begins a post war reconstruction project called reconciliation. By having the unlimited resources of God at work in us we discover that place of service to which He has called us in the lives of others.