But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: 2 Timothy 3:1 NKJV

Having trouble with your pastor?  Tired of paying their inflated salary, and pet projects, or even worrying if they will run off with the church secretary? Worry no more: Pastor AI is here! You will also be glad to know that Pastor AI comes in multiple skin tones and speaks not only English and Spanish, but also more than one hundred other languages. For just $89,000 down and $69.99 a month, your new pastor also comes with a ten-year warrantee, and free online tech support, and if you act now, they can be in your pulpit in just 10-14 business days. We feel so sure that Pastor AI will charm your congregation with his or her riveting Bible stories and thousands of jokes, that we offer a free six-month unconditional guarantee. If at any time you are not completely satisfied, you can simply return your pastor, and we will either replace them with our latest model or reimburse your account in full.

Just imagine how great it will be. No more friction with the elders, no vacation time needed and instead of a housing allowance, Pastor AI will store neatly in any broom closet between worship services. For more traditional churches, you will want to change his jacket and tie occasionally, or for the more contemporary congregations Pastor AI comes with a variety of tattoos, earrings, and hairstyles. You will also be glad to know that your pastor will always be at the back door shaking everyone’s hand, gently patting the children on their heads and being sure to never ever offend anyone. But if you want Pastor AI to be in your church before Christmas you will need to act today, because supplies are limited. So, drop whatever you are doing and go to our website: http://www.thebeast.com or call us twenty-four hours a day at 1-800-666-6666!

Disclaimer: The above is not really available, that is not a real website or phone number, and our offer will only work when taken with several large grains of salt!