Good morning. Today we are bringing to you two breaking stories dominating heaven’s headlines. First is the bad news that every President, prime minister, pastor, plumber and even all around nice people have been exposed as sinners. Though most are denying the allegations, it is reported that angels have released transcripts of both video and audio recordings!

On the second story of the day however: it is rumoured that some of the plaintiffs have engaged the services of a high profile lawyer from Nazareth. He has been quoted as saying that He has evidence to show the judge this afternoon that will clear his clients of all charges. Stay tuned for all the details!