“I am the Good Shepherd. The good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep.” John 10:11 ESV

“You are not enough!” Colonel Phillips shouts to Steve Rogers, in the first Captain America film. Colonel Phillips wanted an army of superheroes, but all he ended up with was Steve. Of course, later in the film we find out that Steve actually is good enough, but the colonel needed a lot of convincing. Maybe the reason I love that movie is because I can identify with not being good enough.

When I was a little boy, I didn’t think deeply on it, but I sensed that I was somehow not good enough, because all the other kids had a dad. Then, when I was five, mom remarried and my new “dad” showed up with his crew-cut, a dark mustache and lots of strict rules. He had rules about sitting at the table – “no talking at the table and eat all the brussels sprouts.” There were rules about shining my shoes on Sunday, making my bed like his drill sergeant had taught him and most of all rules, about playing the clarinet. He loved the clarinet, played in a chamber group, and listened to Benny Goodman and Pete Fountain. They all sounded fine, but in spite of daily practice, when I picked up that instrument more squeaks and squawks came out than the proper dulcet tones. I was not good enough. Saturday music lessons didn’t help much, and my afternoons, when my friends were out playing baseball, I sat in the basement room struggling with my instrument. My lower lip was often split by the reed and if I thought at all of heaven it was the place where no one had to play the clarinet ever again! Bringing that, “Not good enough!” struggle into my job, my family, and my church life, made me work tirelessly to do better, yet left me with the nagging feeling that no matter how hard I tried, I could never be good enough for God. Of course, I knew that I was saved by grace, but I figured God just sort of put up with me from there. I still squeaked and squawked at playing the notes of life and God had lots of rules that I couldn’t keep up with. But over the course of fifty plus years following Jesus, I have begun to learn the love of my Good Shepherd, who laid down His life for me. He doesn’t first ask me to play perfectly, sit silently at HIs table, and shine my shoes on Sunday. He first gave His life and then called me to follow Him. Sheep do not always follow perfectly. We are not fast, strong, or smart. We don’t even smell good! Yet despite all our many faults and failures, He loves us and by His wonderful merciful grace we belong to Him!